From PostSecret.
How sad is this? :(
It’s a shame that it’s focused on the recipient’s weight rather than the family’s attitude. The thing is though, surely – if you TRULY love the person – you should say “Pretty please, family, ignore her weight and love her the way I do.”
I'm 20 and I am currently a student in my third year of studying to be a Mental Health Nurse. I come from Essex, UK.
I'm a girl who plays World of Warcraft.
I’m around 5′4.5″ and I’m typically a UK size 18 and weigh around 230lbs.
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23 Comments
This is so sad. Wow.
Good share. x.
I think I’d break down and cry if someone said that to me. I don’t know why, but it really tugs on my heart and I feel so bad for who it’s aimed at :( I know that’s the whole point of PostSecret but this person should maybe rethink their attitude towards the one they ‘love’.
Wow, that’s actually really shocked me. Not that people are judgemental about weight, we all knew that already, but the attitude of the author of the note is terrible isn’t it… I wonder what the subject of the note would have written on their own postsecret? Sad :(
Personally; “I really wish your family would accept me for who I am so that they could love me as much as I love you.”
this is heartbreaking :( I have no words for this really, the saddest thing ever.
I really hope that the person it’s aimed at doesn’t see it, in a way.
First, the person should have had the decency to say it, not keep it a secret. Secondly, I would be heartbroken, like you said. It’s quite back-handed really.
Aside from the fact that it is outright insulting, it is grammatically incorrect. It’s “lose” weight, not “loose” weight. That only serves to make it even more annoying. If I were to be the recipient, this would be relationship ending – period. Also, the exclamation point at the end of the sentence really irks me as well!!!
The grammar part I picked up on before I took the message in, so yes that annoys me aswell. It’s as if this person thinks it’s a positive and NICE thing to say.
I agree…this is sad, terrible, & infuriating. It is also a good reason for the subject of that note to end the relationship right now. It took me years to fully understand & accept & especially apply it to me, but NO ONE should ever be in a relationship with ANYONE who cannot & does not love her/him completely & unconditionally & is not able to do so publicly, including around family & friends, co-workers, etc. Love is NOT, “I love you, but” (fill in the blanks of what must be changed about you to make you truly worthy of love), it is “I love…period”. We should either love those whom we love unconditionally & appreciate & cherish their unique beauty, or we should do them the favor of finding the door. Passing judgments on others & expecting them to meet your standards doesn’t say a thing about the other person, but it speaks volumes about YOU, & who YOU are, how mature, confident, open-minded, comfortable with yourself & your own tastes in companions, accepting of differences, & able to deal maturely with your own issues you are or are not. If you are unable to have a proud, open, public relationship with a fat person, do all fat people & pass on us & find yourself someone you find more socially acceptable. I mean this for everyone, but maybe especially for those closeted fat admirers who may desire & adore a fat person in private but not want to be seen in public with him/her. If we are good enough to have sex with, we are good enough to interact with your family & friends.
I genuinely hope that the subject of that note gets rid of that loser soon & moves on.
A very heart-felt comment, thank you. Very well written, and I agree wholly with what you’ve said. “I love you.” End of. No ifs, ands or buts (unless it’s “I love you and you’re awesome!”) We must all accept that it’s unreasonable to expect people to change, if you loved them in the first place then why should they? It’s really not fair on the poor girl. I’m also worried about the thousands of girls visiting PostSecret and seeing this card, thinking it might be from their boy/girlfriend. So sad.
Definitely a relationship ender. I don’t understand how someone would think this would be an ok response to anything.
Agreed.
Wow… I read that as “Pretty please lose weight so that my hypercritical family can pick some other meaningless trait to justify their dislike for you. A choice with which I will not argue.”
When I read that, it also made me sad. I just hope whoever that is aimed towards dumps this bozo so they can find someone who loves them – the person they ARE, not the person someone else wants to mold them into.
I was really saddened by this too. Poor person – is it wrong that I assume the person this is aimed at is a woman? It could be a man but somehow I didn’t think so.
Wow this brings back bad memories of my childhood. I was the only one in my family wearing a size 14. My father used to tell me how beautiful I was and then turn around and tell me that I would never get married unless I lost weight. Thank god I found a good man who treats me much better. if it can happen to me I know it can happen for everyone we all deserve better.
This is so screwed up.
First off, if my family didn’t accept the person I was with for their weight, I would be seriously reconsidering my relationship with my family.
Second, if someone thinks I should lose weight so his/her family likes me better, they can bloody BITE ME. I refuse to change myself and my body for somebody else, and if I did it for an extended family’s approval? Get fucked.
:-/ What a shallow thing to say. Love is precisely the opposite of requiring someone to change, I think love is most of all acceptance of otherness.
When I saw this I was really sad.
I think what makes it so sad is that the person isn’t doing it to be harmful, that isn’t their intention, they genuinely think it’s ok to plead for someone to lose weight and that it’s for a good reason.
They’re asking in a way that’s so intervention-y, it’s like the fat person is this huge disappointment in their life, and they’re so worried what the family will think that it’s life threatening to them, basically in a way more dramatic way than when a friend tries to casually mention to one that he or she needs to lose weight (not cool either).
The more I think about this secret and analyze it, the more I get pissed off.
My first thought on reading this was “What an asshole!” The second thought was “That’s not love.”
Ditto.
Alas, most of the commenters here are far better than I – reading this made me want to hunt this idiotic douchenozzle down and roundhouse kick him (totally presuming) in the face. What pisses me off is this person probably thinks what a fragile, humble little sekrit this is, and how tortured they must be. Cry me a freakin’ river >:/
(Btw, new reader here. This one’s going on the blogroll :Db)
Claire, I genuinely laughed at your comment, and I think that’s what most of us feel deep down. Well said ;)
Also, thanks :D Always nice to have new people around!
My first thought was “Pretty please, learn to spell so my family doesn’t think you’re a moron.”
Also “Your family CHOSE not to love me. You shouldn’t be defending their poor life choices.”